The Die Is Cast, Part II

As my previous post suggests, I have in fact purchased my tickets to Spain. It is a round trip ticket, though I leave on Sept. 10th and my return flight isn't until the end of November sometime (I honestly cannot recall the exact date). I bought a round trip ticket because a) it actually is cheaper that way and b) in many countries- including Spain- they can make you buy a return ticket if you arrive in the country without one, and usually at an exaggerated price. No thank you. The return ticket is no safety net, however; as I said, the return ticket isn't scheduled until two months after I arrive. Isn't there a story about Cortes burning his ships when he arrived at the New World?

When I told people I was planning on going to Spain to see if I could live there for a while, most people said, "Great!" or "How cool!" and of course, I agreed. Now that I've purchased the ticket the first thing out of their mouths is, "Are you scared?" And the first thing out of mine is, "Yes." Sometimes I add an expletive.

But it isn't only fear that I feel. I oscillate between fear and excitement from moment to moment. But the fear is . . . old. It's familiar. It's that First-Day-of-School-Stomachache multiplied by about a thousand. The fear isn't of any serious dangers. It's things like, "What if I fail? What if I can't hack it? What if I'm wrong?" God forbid, right?

But I look at those fears and see that there's nothing to them. They're hypothetical. Thought exercises. And the things beckoning me forward are so much stronger than the things holding me back. It's interesting, but I'm finding that my memories from my previous trip to Spain are much more vivid now that I am serious anticipating my return. These heightened memories only embolden my decision. There are things I want to see and experience, and I want to be the kind of man who can strike out into the world and experience them.

Even if it's a little crazy and difficult.

Even if the fires that forge that kind of man are hot.