Skip to main content

Unnecessary Personal Update #3: I'm Almost Out of Peanut Butter

Before we came to Barcelona, the counselors and instructors showed us a graph. A long, curvy line showed us the ups and downs we could expect while spending almost a year studying abroad. The excitement of arrival, the frustration of having to shop, get around, and find an apartment in another language and culture, the thrill of actually accomplishing those tasks, the unavoidable homesickness, etc. I glanced at it at the time but shuffled it back into the ream of documents we'd been given. 'Don't tell me how I'll feel,' I probably thought, 'I'll tell you, when it happens.' And through all the good times I've had here in Barcelona, I haven't thought much about that graph.

But during the not-so-good times, the days when the entire city seemed to be an implacable force motivated only to bedevil me... I thought about that graph. The damned prophet that had seen all of it coming. Yes, there have been ups and downs this year. But even in the midst of my own peevishness I knew what a graph like that really meant: the city is always the same; YOU'RE what changes. "... there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so." I certainly can't argue against the Bard and a line graph.

Among the mountains and valleys (or perhaps, the hills and ditches), I've come back to my familiar refrain: what have I learned? I think the most important thing I've learned is that I love to travel and I don't like just living somewhere. Barcelona's got a lot to offer, but for the past year it's been the place where I do grocery shopping, where I have class and homework, where I have bills to pay. It's been many other things, but that laundry list (god, I forgot laundry!) is wrapped up in it somewhere, too. The other places- Paris, Vienna, Copenhagen, many others- were fun. They were 'Best of' albums. New food, new languages, new old buildings- constant stimulation. I love that stuff. I'm a junkie. But when I stepped off the plane back in Barcelona I wasn't coming home to a 'Best of'. It may not be fair to Barcelona, but I've studied the history of Catalunya- trust me, nothing is.

This particular entry is probably a little one-sided, and I hope it's obvious that I've had an incredible, life-altering time here that I wouldn't trade away. I don't think I'll really know how much it's all meant to me for another year or two- that's the way it happened with Madrid, anyway. But right now, in this moment, what does all of this mean? It means that with only a few more days until I'm back home, I'm excited. My own personal line graph is taking a decidedly upward turn. I don't know if that was predicted in the first graph, and I don't care. It's time to go.

Besides, I'm almost out of peanut butter.

Comments

Kevin Pyle said…
I have enjoyed all of your entries, some more than others, of course, as all things are relative to the reader, but this...this I love. I'm glad you've experienced all that you have, and I'm glad you feel its time to come home- for now, at least- because I feel its time to have you home, too.
See you soon.

~Dad
Diana said…
Ditto from me! ~Nana~

Popular posts from this blog

Fungal Insanity Ants and Me

A while ago, as part of the internet’s Attention Deficit Education, I watched a short video about a kind of fungus that infects the brains of ants in the jungle. The fungus grows in the ant’s brain, eventually driving him crazy and forcing him to climb upward. When the ant reaches the very top limb of a tree his head basically explodes, releasing fungal spores which spread in all the directions of the wind. The spores infect other ants and, as with all things in nature, the cycle continues. After I got over the initial “Holy crap,” level of astonishment, I started wondering what it must be like to be driven upward by some mysterious internal force. At first I could hardly believe that a creature's brain could be affected in such a specific way. But I was forced to revise my opinion tonight not long after I walked out of my apartment. I was reminded, in fact, that that feeling was something with which I am very familiar. It started because I had noth...

365 and I Didn´t Waste A One

Originally I was going to write a humble, what-I’ve-learned sort of review of 2010’s major events for me. That’s kind of my thing, anyway. But then I started listing what’s happened this year and I decided to throw the humility crap out the window. I’ll just say it: this year was awesome. I’d be doing it a disservice if I tried to play it down. 1. U of I- My second semester of U of I was filled with interesting classes, new friends, and a lot of fun. My classes were varied and I learned so much that I still carry with me. (I can have a basic conversation in French, I can draw and label a cross section of a brain- to a certain extent, I learned about force and momentum and electromagnetism and a bunch of other things I’d never have learned about in an English class.) I got all A’s and made the Dean’s List again. I spent a lot of time applying, writing, and interviewing for the study abroad program that allowed me to be in Barcelona right now. I survived Un...

Candlepower

Candlepower- intensity expressed in candles Time passes differently in this reading room, I think to myself. Minutes turn into hours like the wax of the candle turns from a solid into a liquid, running quickly together and building up. I barely noticed when the sunset, and am only just now aware that I had lit the candle at all, let alone that it was my sole source of illumination. I lean over it carefully to blow out the flame that sits on a short nub of wax. Two things happen in that instant. The light in the room blinks out, of course, as the flame is extinguished. Also, as I stand there in the dark with my face above the candle, the last tendrils of smoke drift upward and into my nostrils. Instantly, decades of birthdays flash through my mind, a blur. I’m a child, standing up on a chair at the kitchen table, eyeing the cake my mom has decorated to look like a clown. I’ve just blown out the candles and everyone around the table- all family- is clapping. I’m slightly older, this time...